Happy Dog-Mother’s Day!

This is for all the mom’s out there that wear hair as an accessory.

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This is for all the mom’s out there that never get a moment alone.

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This is for all the mom’s out there that share their food.

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This is for all the mom’s out there that get the corner of the bed.

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This is for all the mom’s out there that get a guilt trip whenever they leave.

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This is for all the mom’s out there that have to clean their house, again.

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This is for all the mom’s out there that lose their seat on the couch.

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This is for all the mom’s out there that save every single plastic bag for future use.

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This is for all the mom’s out there that lose socks.

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This is for all the mom’s out there that stand in the rain.

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This is for all the mom’s out there that give baths.

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This is for all the mom’s out there that have their hands full.

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This is for all the mom’s out there that worry over the littlest scratch.

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This is for all the mom’s out there that love their dog like a child.

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Our children have four legs and fur, floppy ears and tails. Our children love unconditionally and kiss with their tongues. We do not see them as animals, we see them as living beings. They are our friends. We are thankful for all the paw prints on the floor, sloppy kisses on our face (and sometimes mouth!), and the hair on our clothes. If we had one wish, it would be that our best friends could live as long as we do.

Dog Mom’s are mom’s too! Happy Mother’s Day.

AlcoHOLLA!

1. You’re not drinking alone if your dog is home.

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2. Ugh, do I really have to go? I would much rather stay home, look like shit, and drink wine.

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3. I need liquor to tolerate you.

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4. This bottle doesn’t have a suggested service size printed on the label. So, I’m just going to assume it’s one serving.

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5. How much whine would a wine drinker whine if a wine drinker couldn’t drink wine – say that three times fast!

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6. Coffee keeps be busy until it’s acceptable to drink.

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7. I deserve an alcoholiday.

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8. The only thing I throwback on a Thursday is a glass of wine.

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9. Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy alcohol. And that’s the same.

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10. I don’t need to unwind, I need to uncork.

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11. It’s not good to keep things bottled up anyway.

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12. “Drink responsibly” just means don’t spill it.

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13. Hard times call for hard liquor.

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14. I can’t wait to get home and pour myself some dinner.

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15. It’s just not fun being sober.

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IT HAPPENS TO THE BEST OF US

You are an attractive, 20something in an established career with a husband/wife, pet, and home. By definition, you are an adult. But sometimes, we don’t always do things mature people should do. And, NotSoLinnear is here to tell you that it’s OK. We all need some encouragement – especially when we do something embarrassing… like the thing toddlers, kindergartners, and really drunk college students do: pee our pants.
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First of all, this does not make you any less of an adult. You were simply too busy thinking about bills, work, and other really grown up things. With all that on your mind, how could you think of anything else? It must be so stressful being you. Your phone rings, you worry about work, you remember you need to hydrate before you hit the gym, and it happens. It could happen to anyone! You are still an attractive-20something only now, you have an excuse to buy new shorts.
Some people pee in toilets, you go in your pants because you’re a badass.
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You are just so awesome, a little pee came out so you wouldn’t be more awesome than the average person. That is so considerate of you! You are so thoughtful, you must be the nicest person to be friends with.
Maybe someone on LinkedIn will endorsed you for having the ability to work under any condition?
So you didn’t time to plan your bathroom breaks accordingly, who has time for that anyway? At least you didn’t disappoint a million people like Mayweather did on pay per view. Things could be worse, don’t punishment yourself for being so well-hydrated. Just remember, you’re still a better person than any of the Kardashians.
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Dogs do it all the time in public and they barely get noticed… just sayin’.
You may stink of urine and may have to take a walk of shame worse than your college days, but you could always use the “go-to” excuse and tell people you’re having ‘woman problems’ – cramps, PMS, the whole 9! We promise not to judge or tell your Mother-In-Law. If anyone asks, we’ll just say you laughed so hard tears came down your legs.
The point is, everyone has gone through this. Whether a little came out because of a sneeze, or you laughed too hard, or maybe you’re just into that sort of stuff – it happens to the best of us. If anyone tells you otherwise, they are lying. Everyone has a pee story outside of first grade because life happens.
Ur-in-vited to share your pee story below!